Guilt
++ Free Clinic ++ Flat, dull gray inside and made of the same cobbled together materials as the rest of the area, the Free Clinic is a haven of help for the downtrodden that live in this area. Staffed by kind-sparked mechs and femmes who volunteer their free time and materials to help, Empties can find live-saving medical help here, as well as energon supplies when they are desperately low. There aren't many circuit slabs here, and everything from the equipment to the tools are donated, but they all function as needed. Chairs for waiting rest against the wall near the door, while a recovery ward in the back sees patients that need time to rest and reboot from serious medical trauma. Torque felt bad taking a transport from the Kimia facility, but she really didn't have a choice. Her patient, sort of, was hanging on by a thread at this point and she needed to get out of there fast. She would have taken Starscream back to her shop, but seeing as it's been emptied there's only one place left... The free clinic. Night arrives swiftly, much to Torque's luck, so she doesn't have to wait long after parking in the alley beside the secluded building. With care she picks up the seeker in her arms and carries him inside once she's sure it's clear, transfering him to one of the medical berths within. Torque is still hurting, but she ignores her own damages for now and focuses on him, making sure to hook him up to an energon feed as well as a machine to monitor his vitals. The seeker is in horrible shape... the vamparc substance, though most evaporated by now, had actually seeped into his internal systems, and is still the cause of inner hemorrhaging. Blood is leaking out of his ventilation shafts, and Starscream is constantly phasing in and out of consciousness. And every time, he'll wake up with the same confused and bitter expression as temporary dementia sets in. Finally, after seventy two breems or so, he maintains the barest shred of consciousness. "..." The seeker tries to sit up, but is unable to... Once Starscream was hooked up, Torque did so as well to herself with a second energon feed to replace what was lost. But rather than sit back and relax, the medic does what she always does, and that's work. By the time Starscream gains some semblance of conciousness, he'll be able to note her hovering over him with tired, halfmast optics and an expressionless face. "Don't move, you're still very badly damaged." The femme mutters softly whe he tries to rise, moving a hand from her work to gently rest upon his chest to keep him still. Once he complies she'll continue her repairs, hands moving with a practiced grace. If he's tries to pay attention even more he'll likely notice the moderately sized pool of fresh energon pooling at her feet as it slowly leaks from her back wound, Torque only able to do so much to patch it while she waited for night. Starscream struggles weakly still, but only for so long. His energy is very limited at this point and he can hardly stay awake. He stares blankly at her, his expression unreadable. After a moment, his features harden. "I.. I know what you're thinking." A harsh pause. "J-Just say it out loud. Y-You don't want to do this. You saw it all coming, y-you wished it on me. You th-think.. I deserve this. You think Pharma is the hero, and I'm ... Decepticon scum. Say you despise me. Say it. SAY IT, DAMMIT!" This burst of emotion gives him a rush of adrenaline and he manages to grab Torque by the shoulders momentarily. But the energy of this action drains him, and he sinks back down onto the berth, his optics dimming as he sighs in a tortured fashion, his expression extremely pained. "...." He covers his face. Man, he's a mess. Not just physically, but emotionally, mentally... Torque's optics flick to Starscream as he finally gains enough energy to speak, though frowns at what he eventually says. Hands leave him a moment when he grabs at her shoulder, avoiding any jostling that might injure him, and just remains silent until he's quieted back down. "..It's not that I despise you, Starscream." She sighs softly, frowning and scrunching brows when turning back to her work. "..Nor do I think the Decepticons are scum. Believe it or not I actually believed in Megatron's words before the incident with Clench, but.. once I saw what lengths he'd go to get what he wanted, I began to lose faith." Bloodied tool is set aside in favor of another. "But you.. I don't really know what to think. I hate you for hurting Wheeljack, for hurting me, and I'll never forgive you.. yet I also feel sympathy for you for whatever's made you think like this.” "I knew it..." the seeker hisses. "You're only doing this because... because there's some sort of stupid honor code among the Autobots. " He tries to disconnect the cables attached to him but he's too weak to even grip them. Then his optics fall on the pool of blood beneath Torque's feet, and his gaze fixates on it. His optics widen. '' What.. What is this feeling? I... it is akin to how felt the first time I killed....I don't.. it's painful... '' He frowns. "Stop. Why are you doing this?! If you don't want to, then don't." He reaches out and grabs her wrist, the one with the tool in it. Torque's mouth sets in a firm line when he accuses her of following the code of a faction, fixing him with a hard stare. "I don't do this because of the Autobots. Even before I knew of them I would still do this." And then he goes for her hand, of which he'll find her yielding only slightly under his weak pulls, though she's careful to draw the tool away. "Will you just pull your head outta your fraggin' aft for /one/ nanoklik and listen?" There's a steel edge to her voice now, clearly annoyed at his continued efforts to stop her. Shrugging off his hand, Torque huffs and puts her tools down for a moment, focusing on him fully now. "Maybe I really don't want to help you, but you have to understand that I /have/ to. It's who I am and who I'll always be, not because of some code laid out by someone else. I was forged like this and I can't do anything to help it. And it isn't like I'd want to change myself anyway, because at the end of the day, to me, it just feels.. right to help people, no matter who they are." "..." She might notice Starscream's acting a little off now, though. He'd just tuned out everything she'd just said, but not for the reasons Torque may think. He's still trying to grab her wrist, but it's clearly not out of aggression anymore, and he's not even looking at her. Instead, he's just staring at the pool of blood on the ground like a demon is going to rise out of it and grab him. And he doesn't look angry anymore. He just looks... desperate? And perhaps even afraid. But for what? "N-no. You have to stop." He pauses. "You're making me worse.” He's crazy. Torque has said her piece, but Starscream still tries to grab her? The femme gives him an odd look, wondering just what the heck is up with him, until she notes his averted gaze. Following it, she spots the mess she's still making and frowns, inwardly cursing herself for not taking care of this sooner. It isn't exactly a nice thing to see your medic bleeding while fixing you. "..Fine, I'll stop for right now. You're stable enough right now anyway." Right now she supposes she has to clean this mess up, so once Starscream lets her go she'll step away to grab some cleaning supplies, hoping to mop up the energon before he freaks out anymore. "Just please try not to move much, alright? I know I said you're stable, but you're in no condition to move around." That said, once the spilled energon is cleaned, Torque frowns after sitting on the medical berth beside him with her back away from his view and pulling tools over. "..Sorry I made such a mess. I didn't have time to really fix myself." She mutters softly and blindly feels along her wound, grunting at a twang of pain that runs through her as fingers gingerly try to find the source of the leak. His expression weakens, and he stares at her as she mops up the spilled energon. Starscream sighs in utter exhaustion, suddenly looking rather ill. "... I don't feel well," he says suddenly. Uh, news flash, he's badly wounded? The seeker must be going totally crazy, or something. He just watches her as she feels along her wound, his expression borderline baffled. After a moment, his features crumple and he disobeys her, stumbling off the berth, heading for the door. "I need.. to get out. I feel …sick." He won't get too far without disconnecting himself from his leads, though. But not like Torque will give him a chance once she spots him making a move to get off the berth. "H-Hey wait!" Hurriedly wiping hands clean, the medic stands and strides quickly after the mech, reaching out to grab his shoulder firmly. "Starscream, listen to me. I.. I know you don't trust me and that you don't want to be here, but you /have/ to. At least until I know you'll be able to get where you need to go without falling in a gutter or crashing and bleeding out. Just.. please go lay back down and let me finish, alright?" There's sincere concern in her voice, her duty as a doctor overriding her displeasure of him. He pushes her hand away. "Please," he says, his optics dimming. Incredible, he actually said please. "I /need/ this. I'm.. ill. And I just can't be near you right now." He looks at her mournfully, then averts his optics. His demeanor is like that of a bird trapped in a cage. Perhaps Torque will understand that Starscream is a seeker, he needs to fly like he needs energon to run. Then he transforms and with a massive amount of effort, flies up into the night sky. He dips a couple times before finally ascending above the clouds. She might be surprised though, to find that he actually returns eventually. Greatly weakened, he stumbles into the free clinic, blood leaking from his ventilation shafts. "I need you to explain something," he gasps out, just barely clinging to consciousness. Torque doesn't need a patient stumbling out of here half fixed, damnit. Why doesn't he get that? Why does he push himself away like this, even though she wants to help him? It almost hurts to see him in the state he is now and even moreso to watch him transform and rocket into the sky as best he can. "Damnit.." Torque mutters to herself, optics on the sky and frowning deeply in disappointment. And she can't go after him, so she resigns to chasing the jet and moves back inside to clean herself up. She's indeed surprised, though, to hear the familiar sound of his engines a short while later and see him suddenly stumbling back in, looking as if he'd drop right there. While he was gone Torque managed to clean up her back and patch it enough to stop the leaking, so she's since removed herself from the energon feed. Sitting up straight from cleaning her tools, her optics fly wide at the sight of him and she's at his side in an instant, holding him up and helping him onto the berth. "I /told/ you not to go out." Mouth presses thin while overlooking him with a concerned expression, pulling freshly cleaned tools back over to attempt to open him back up and patch him if he'll allow. Only.. she pauses, caught off guard by his question. "..Explain what?" Starscream ignores her first comment and resists her efforts to put him back on the berth. His legs have nearly given out, so he simply clings to her, locking optics with her, his gaze crimson and intense, yet inquisitive and pained. ".. Why do I feel like this?" he asks, his voice low and guttural. He grips her tighter, as if holding onto her harder will make her give him the answer he wants. If Torque really wanted to she could easily hoist him up and tie him down to the medical berth. But she instead takes a gentler approach and allows him to do as he wishes, so for now she allows him to hold onto her, almost in desperation. "Starscream, I.." She holds him steady frowns, confused and uncertain. "I don't know. I have no idea what you're feeling. Do you feel sick again..? Probably from more energon loss.." She mutters that last part to herself in observation. Honestly, Starscream's mind if an ever twisting maze, in her opinion, and it's a wonder if anyone could figure out jsut what he's thinking or feeling at any given time. "No.." Starscream says, his gaze holding and his grip on her still unfaltering, "I feel a little better now that I have been away from you for some time. But.. I feel.." His expression becomes confused, as if he's having a very difficult time articulating his emotions. "Unhappy, frustrated. And angry. But not at you, or anybody else. I...saw the blood on the floor and I felt.. uncomfortable that it was there, but there was no one to blame for it's presence... except..." he trails off, his expression growing distant and pained. The blood unsettled him? Sure, some mechs and femmes can't handle the sight of it, but the way Starscream is reacting is.. strange. "..Except you?" Torque speaks softly, though no malice lingers in her tone. There isn't kindness either. It's more.. sad, which is evident by the slight downturn of her lips. "I think you're feeling guilt." "N-no!" he says tearing himself away from her, his emotions warring behind his crimson optics like dueling spartans. "It.. it can't be me!" He catches sight of his own reflection in the metal of the berth, and his expression softens a little and becomes bewildered as he surveys his own damage. "...could it? .. no.. it can't..." He whirls on her, his features a whirlwind of mixed feelings. "This can't be normal...." And then he tears his gaze away once more, looking distraught. He truly is a broken mech, isn't he? He can't even face the reality that he attacked her, and it's that fact that hurts Torque so much. Such is the flaw of her kindness, forever a bleeding spark that can't help but feel the slightest hint of pity for even the worst people. With his optics turned away now, Starscream will soon feel a presence moving in towards him before arms embrace him, strong yet gentle. "Stop.. I'm alright.." Torque utters softly, soothingly as she pulls him to her, holding him against her damaged frame with a hand at the back of his helm. Did he even remember attacking her in the first place? "And you'll be alright too.. Just calm down first, okay?" Why should she even care? Why show him such sympathy? ..Honestly, even she doesn't know. It just feels like the right thing to do. He remembers alright, but eh. Starscream is a complicated mech. He stares at her as she moves to embrace him. He.. has not ever been hugged before and all of these new feelings and experiences are a little too much for him. He doesn't resist at first, but as soon as she starts pulling him closer to her, he pushes her away. "No...!" He says bitterly. "It wasn't me. It was Pharma. Stupid.. bastard," he mutters, clenching a fist. But now, his energy is spent, and he collapses onto the berth. He'll wake shortly before dawn, though this time, he seems a lot more lucid. His expression is pensive and distant--he seems to be lost in thought, though what he is thinking about exactly will remain a mystery. That is, until he addresses her. "Torque." A heavy pause. "There's something I need to tell you.” Does he always have to keep fighting her like this? But then, someone like him would probably need at least vorns of help. She can only frown and sigh softly to herself when he finally spends the last of his energy and collapses, the femme shaking her head and continuing what she started. By the time Starscream reawakens he'll find himself completely fixed, save some superficial armor damage. Torque has since patched herself up more and is looking a lot better from where she sits at a nearby desk, looking somewhat tired. It's fair to say she hasn't managed to get any recharge all night. Upon Starscream waking, her antennas perk and she sits more upright, blinking across the room at him in curiosity. "Hm? What's that? ..Also, how are you feeling?" He shakes his helm and waves a hand dismissively at her. "Nevermind that," he says, standing and approaching her. "I need a favor. I mean.. " Starscream sighs. "I just need you to accept something. Well, it's more than just one thing." A pause. "I'm giving you all my possessions." He starts sending Torque a large number of files, and she'll quickly realize they're all deeds and documentation. To his house, all the nightclubs he owns in Vos, even an expensive winery in downtown Iacon. All his trust funds, his bank deposits, even his credit loans. "I just need you to sign the documents and then it's a done deal. I don't really care what you do with all of it. Sell it, burn it, give it away. Just for Primus' sake don't let the government get their hands on it." He sighs. "I'm sure you know people in Kalis and Kaon, maybe distribute my wealth among them. Primus knows they need it." He turns to leave. A favor? He's got to be kidding. ...No, apparently he isn't now that Torque sees the sudden bombardment of files being streamed to her, cringing at the incoming flood. All this info, all these deeds, a mech would kill for this amount of property and money. ..So why is it all being sent back to Starscream as he turns to leave, completely untouched? "..I can't do that." She speaks quietly, expression apologetic, yet stern. "I appreciate you wanting to give all of that to me, whether it's some sort of apology or a thanks for me saving you, but I can't accept it. Starscream.. you tried to kill me twice now. I can't ever forget that, so.. I think this is the last time we'll ever be speaking. I don't want anymore ties." A pause, the corners of her lips tugging down a little. "So.. if you ever want to see me again, I'm afraid it's going to have to be from opposing sides." "Then get rid of it. Like I said, you don't have to keep any of it. The way my banking is set up, you could distribute all of it instantaneously. You can destroy the deeds. My possessions, you can just leave and pretend you never owned them." He won't take the files, they'll bounce right back to her. He turns away. "You don't trust me, I get that. But I trust you. And you're likely the only person in the entire universe I could say that about. I know you'll actually do what I ask." He pauses, his optics dimming slightly. "You are not my friend, nor are you my ally. I'm not sure I even like you. But you taught me about guilt, and dedication." He turns to face her. "War is coming, and we are already on opposing sides. But one day, Cybertron will have peace. I look forward to that day." He steps forwards, his expression intense. "You might think I'm a dishonorable criminal, but I don't forget when favors are extended to me, as they rarely are." Starscream takes her hand gently and lowers his helm to place a kiss on it, but not without first asking permission. "... may I?" Damn, he won't take them back. Torque is stuck with the files, it seems, which is something she's very unhappy about. What is she even going to do with all of this stuff? ..She really hasn't a clue, so for the moment she just stores it away for safekeeping in her databanks. And then he approaches her, tall and stern as he once was, staring her down. Before she would have relented, possibly even blushed from rising nerves. But none of that happens now, Torque instead meeting his gaze, an unmoving force before him now. ..At least until he takes her hand. The master of manipulation slowly works his magic as she watches him, uncertainty creeping into her mind. She hates it, but she knows he'll always find a way to get what he wants and in the end she can't even deny him something as simple as a kiss to the hand, ultimately nodding slightly. Fingers curl slightly in his hand at the formal brush of his lips, but she has to look away while he does, unable to face him with the mixed expression she wears. "...Just go." She mumbles in a hushed voice. "..And don't strain yourself too hard." Forever a medic, watching out for a patient. And even so, she can feel his reluctance is equal to hers as he presses his lips to her hand briefly before drawing back. He never says thank you genuinely, but out of guilt, the gesture is the least he can do. He straightens, and reaching forward, he tips her chin upwards so he can look her in the optics. And for the first time, she'll see something in him she hasn't ever seen before : sincerity. Just the barest hint of it in his soft smile. And he looks so much nicer when he actually means it. Then he steps back, leaps into the air with his usual grace and transforms, accelerating south--towards Kaon.